Scary adulthood

I've noticed, that one of my fears is adulthood. One part of my life is going to end when I finish my Master thesis and go to work. Generally it is said, that adulthood is that one can take responsibility of oneself and his deeds. I think that adulthood is not about external things like mortage or number of children. It's more like in one's inside.

According to this, I'm not yet an adult. I lie, if it prevents others to get mad at me. My dad pays my phone bill and I get money from my parents, when in need. My mom has said that after my graduation, when I go to work or get married, they're not going to help me at all. Everything concerning money distresses me. My parents feel sorry that they did not teach me how to use money and now it's too late. If I have 100€for the rest of the month, I'm still going to buy those 80€ shoes, because I do not understand money.

In my fears adulthood is hypocritical, seriousness and middle class life. One can not show his feelings. All the things that you are supposed to do, you must do although you're depressed or distressed. You greet you're enemy with a smile, because greeting is what you're supposed to do for people you know. You can not do any childish or fun things, because back is hurting and there's meeting in a morning.

What kind of experiences you have? Tell me!